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The Last Days of Pompeii: Eurovision and Estonia
On Saturday, February 5th, Estonians chose their 2005 Eurovision Song Contest entry. City Paper’s
Vello Vikerkaar filed this report.
It’s another teen conspiracy. On Saturday night, every 13 year-old Estonian sat poised on the edge of her bed, mobile phone in hand, pushing buttons as fast as her little fingers would fly to cram calls into the ten-minute voting window. This year’s winner:
“Let’s Get Loud” by Suntribe. They are four teens with turntables shouting lyrics like “I’m hot like Indian spice…” and “Give me the gee-tar.” Suntribe seems created not to make music but marketing: four ideal spokesmen for bubble gum, purple hair dye, and acne medicine. This gimmicky gang of adolescents should have been stopped before it started, but it’s too late now. It’s the last days of Pompeii: run for your lives.
The act that should have won, a young lady named Rebecca, singing “Have You Ever,” suffered for not having enough friends with phones. She was hands-down the favorite of jury, unfortunately present only to break a tie. Viewers had to like Rebecca’s sincerity. I want to get her a new haircut, teach her English (“…run toward the mars”?), get her a new outfit, and then stick her back on stage. Rebecca can sing. She’s also likeable and genuine. The song itself has real potential as a good pop song, had the lyrics writer bothered to learn English. My condolences to Rebecca, who was, in this journalist’s opinion, robbed of her solo victory by the unfortunate eruption of Suntribe. (One should note that Rebecca is also a member of Suntribe, a kind of sick consolation prize at best.)
Also worthy of note was Airi Ojamets singing “Dream in a Dream.”
Were she to banish the rhythmless dancers wiggling in the foreground and move her guitarist out front, Airi has real potential. Her voice is mature and rich, and she enjoys the stage. The song itself isn’t bad, save for too many English words crammed awkwardly into measures. Bravo, Airi.
Arne Lauri teamed up with the Cardinals to produce something you don’t see every day: a Sanskrit song with an Ali Baba dance. Arne has charisma and clearly enjoyed himself, and the song itself wasn’t bad. However, it’s hard for me to take the Cardinals seriously ever since the Estonian band the Genialistid pulled trash bags over their heads to do a Cardinal send-up. Hats off to Arne for not being a copy of a copy of a copy.
I like the blonde in the band Glow who sang “Break the Ties.” She has a voice, and I hope we hear from her again. But “Break the Ties” takes the prize for the most vacuous lyrics: “Feel the beat!…I don’t know what’s going on…Hey, girls, let’s be free!” Glow also performed a second time with
“Dream,” a nice song with a danceable melody. I dream, too. I dream of a jury-driven Eurovision and a world where teens aren’t allowed to use the phone after 8 p.m.
Any encouragement must end when talking about the first act to present, Sobe. There is little to say other than they would have been an embarrassment to Estonia and to the band itself had they won. As some may remember from elementary school mathematics:
Blonde + Microphone ≠ Music.
As a foreign Estonian, sometimes I don’t get Estonian jokes. And Eha singing
“Gotta go” was surely one of them. Was she perhaps making fun of Robert Palmer with her awful techno song and the male mimes dancing behind her? This song was so gimmicky that we have no idea whether this leggy blonde can sing.
The song “Moonwalk” was performed by Dorothy of the Wizard of Oz. Dorothy has an interesting voice and I believe the song is a very good first draft. The lyrics are naïve and silly (“I’m trying to escape, there’s no need to explain…”), but this song has potential. Points deducted for the unoriginality of her bass and percussion players—perhaps they’re children of the
Leningrad Cowboys?
In general, the event could be characterized as an amateur talent hour, the likes of which I haven’t seen since City Paper dispatched me to review a performance of West Side Story at the No. 3 middle school in Kilingi-Nõmme. Adding insult to injury, the host tortured Estonian Foreign Minister, Kristiina Ojuland, with questions such as “How are entertainment and politics connected?”
Indrek Pertelson, the Estonian Olympic medallist, was asked which was better PR for Estonia “music or sport?” Certainly not this music, Indrek. And we’re sorry you had to answer the question.
Lots of time was spent by the show’s producers attempting to create a Eurovision history for Estonia which simply doesn’t exist. Estonian bands were asked to comment on past Eurovision winners, a weak substitute for actually having been there. The equivalent of this would be me being invited into the Estonian parliament to talk about Estonia’s Soviet past. As my father once said, “If you have nothing intelligent to say, then clam up.”
And poor Ain Hanschmidt, chief of Ühispank. Coming off a recent roasting by
Andres Kivirähk in the pages of the Estonian daily Päevaleht, Hanschmidt dared to appear on the broadcast wearing a purple pimp shirt and sharkskin suit. The banker, giddy at the prospect of being interviewed on TV, noted he was “very happy to be a sponsor.” Ain, we’re happy for you.
Unfortunately, Eurovision is not a talent contest. It is not even a search for the lesser of evils or the least offensive song in the bunch. Eurovision is about democracy and the will of the people. It is bread and circus. A human spectacle. More than that, it is a celebration of mankind’s least common denominator. Ironically, Eurovision supporters promote it and apologize for it in the same breath, saying it should not be taken too seriously. Like all of us, Eurovision is a living, thriving contradiction. And in that spirit, I salute the winner. Interviewed on stage after their victory, Suntribe noted they had “lots and lots of work to do” before their Eurovision debut. Here’s hoping they do it.
Vello Vikerkaar is a foreign Estonian, born and raised in Toronto. He returned to Estonia in 1992. Before turning to journalism, he played bass in the well-known Vancouver band,
Reckless Dentistry. He also claims to be a distant relative of Terry Wogan.
Needless to say, the opinions of Mr. Vikerkaar are not necessarily those of City Paper. Write to him at
citypaper@citypaper.ee. We will forward him all mail.
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